Maybe its the drinks of caffeine, but I can’t sleep. However when I wake in the morning my mind feels so exceptional and attentive. But I have been sleeping in because I have went to bed so late. Friday I take praxis II, to get a higher score. My stress level is so high and studying with children, Vacation Bible school and a puppy who is chewing everything moving and not moving. Throw in a birthday party that is happening at this house, because how I could I say no to family right? It is after all their house.
So when I say I need to take care of myself, its not meant to be selfish, yes it is. But its hard to do. You know you worry am I taking away from from my family? Exercise and eating better can benefit us all. One cannot not know what the future holds, so it is better to be physically prepared for it. As well as emotionally and spiritually.
I have found part-time employment for the fall and then student teaching at same school in January. This lessens the stress a bit. Hearing from the hub would be helpful too. He seems to be doing good and learning a lot. He stays very busy so he wont be able to dwell on any sadness. Soon in early August, a sad time for him and the loss of a friend in 2003, near Kirkuk, Iraq in an explosion he survived. Leaving this earth this young man will never be forgotten. Justin Hebert. I am sure not a day goes by that my husband doesn’t forget the days that followed that day.Today another 173rd soldier is being honored with the Medal of Honor. Its great he receives this and what an honor and I know that no one will ever forget those that were lost in these battles that these stories come from.
I have watched previous medal of honor ceremonies and I hear the president read their story and I wonder does he really care? Maybe it hurts him, maybe it doesn’t. If it doesn’t tug at your heart, there is something not right with you head or heart. For anyone who has experienced loss in their life, that sad feeling has to come up in your gut. It doesn’t matter what your political views are or your views of war, you know losing someone is difficult. But imagine you have served with these people for years and for that person to always have your back in everything and then to have them taken from you in seconds. Is there a blame game, if there were…who could you blame? Does it even matter to blame anyone? You may except it and move on but it is never forgotten. Its in his dreams, his thoughts when others die and when certain things smell a certain way. I can tell, when my love has been lost in thought and when others think about loss. There is this look or feel that anything can trigger. I got so angry while listening to music that was played at a memorial for my Grandmother and my husband acted like it was no big deal. But when I got mad, he understood my sadness, because of what she represented in my life. Just like those he lost that represented a time in his life. So to those to who are a part of these medal ceremonies, they deserve our respect for loss, not for being a hero. Even though I am proud of the 173rd, no one wants to earn a medal for losing people around you. I think how everyday they will be reminded of those moments for the rest of life. I know they need a break every so often to just be, to relax in the early morning or late night, and to hopefully not always dwell on loss. Maybe these moments can be used to dream of future for those who are still living with hell in their hearts.
The picture was from Surfside Texas on a vacation where I woke up the first day while the sun was coming up. I quietly got up and snuck out on the deck. I was in complete awe of God’s amazing beauty. We spent all week playing with the kids, drinking beer and contemplating life while hanging out on the beach. God is good.