I have been back to working part time for almost two weeks now. Its been interesting change of venue. So now I am coming home and the hub is cooking sometimes. I am only working a couple hours every day, but also still working on my schoolwork. So its not insane, but I have been busy. Both kidlets are back at it, in school.
I am sitting on the floor typing and my bottom really hurts. However weeks ago, I tried something I have never really tried, Yoga. I loved the way I felt afterward. I not really into chanting, but breathing and stretching. So I am on the look for some more tapes. I had always had one, but this time I finished the entire thing, even with kid interruptions and it felt great. I have also rowed, and walked again on the treadmill. I have to get in the hang of doing this more, every day to get back to where I was last summer. That was 20 pounds ago. It is not longer about pounds but feeling better and fitting in clothes better.
So oddly enough when my husband wasn’t really overly searching for a job, another place he applied for last year called him about a paid internship in MA, close to Boston. What would my Dad if this Yankees field went to Fenway without him? So it’s a paid internship for two years and then another two years if he agrees to internship. He has to work the two additional years to pay for all his training done during his internship. Its not in Boston, but a Burb. So don’t know if this will happen, but they like his GPA, experience in the Army, and Geology areas. So what ever God’s will is, we could be moving to the East Coast. My poor kids will have to stop sounding so southern. Will there be sweet tea in MA? Can I say “Car” with a normal accent?
These last few months of being broke, both of us working on our Masters Degrees, moving and PTSD, had made for some very stressful times for us all. Still taking his meds, and now changing back to his old Doc. However August is a very difficult time for him and others who lost a young man on August 2nd, in Iraq in 2003. Ten years since that hell has been a part of all our lives. I think of all the families, his twin sister who lives with his loss for all these years, his family and everyone with him when he was killed by enemy fire. One of these days we will make it to Washington to his grave in Silvana. You are not forgotten.
To this day, my husband gets pissed, sad, and angry on random days. We learn how to not encourage a pessimistic person. But sometimes we fight about really stupid stuff, when I think he just is mad. Then in turn I get mad, knowing this. What a cycle of how War effects us all. Even the next generation of kids and family having to accept and deal with the hell of War. I feel like I could do this all by myself and get mad when he doesn’t help me by being a part of this family. However I remember the hell has walked through and I try to leave my sarcastic, angry smurf comments to myself, but as you know this Latino has a hard time keeping my mouth shut. Many people have no idea why can get so pissed off, or they think he can just brush it away or let the years go by without thinking about the horror of War. Its still there and the day before we watched the Medal of Honor Ceremony and I think that brought up some thoughts and talk of bombing Syria doesn’t help as well. These horrible images of people being gassed is a reminder too of all the people and mass graves in Iraq. I mean, can’t we all get along? Haha, we go through our days with sarcasm, joking, laughing with and at our kids and crazy weiner dog. I hate how he comes across sometimes, but love is in my heart. He has lost a lot of his faith in the lord and I sadly have maybe turned into a apologetic trying to explain to him the goodness of lord, when he can barely see a glimpse in this hard to view world sometimes. Why are we killing each other instead of loving?
That’s why the Lord gave him you; to keep him tethered while he is having a difficult time. You are his strength when he has none and the Lord is yours. It’s tiring, I can’t even imagine (deployments I can do – PTSD I have no experience), but you are doing a great job managing with all of it even if it doesn’t feel like it. Prayers my friend!